Let’s face it, if it were up to us guys, we’d sit in front of the TV for hours on end each weekend watching College and NFL Football while tracking our Fantasy Teams.
The problem is we have wives and kids that need our attention, so unless you’re single, it’s impossible to watch a decent amount of football on the weekend.
And if you’re sitting there reading this and saying, I get to do this all the time…what are you talking about? Congratulations, you’re about to be single.
So what’s a guy to do? You have to channel your inner Bill Belichek and come up with a game plan that relieves you of your family duties so you can watch 20+ hours of uninterrupted football.
Impossible, you say? Not so fast!
Here are a few plays that you can run straight out of my playbook that will help you achieve all of your football dreams.
Note to the lovely and talented Mrs. Sheldon…I love yoouuuuu!
1. Every Day Counts (Wednesday – 4 days until Sunday)
If you want to spend all of Sunday watching NFL Football and tracking your Fantasy squad, you have to start today.
The first thing you’ll need to do is clean the house. Yes, you heard me right. I don’t like it any more than you do, but this is the foundation to watching 12 straight hours of football on Sunday.
So bust out the Pledge, Swiffer, Windex, Paper Towels, Vacuum and get moving! You need to clean your house until it is spic and span for this to work. The trick is to clean everything before your wife or girlfriend realizes what you’ve done. When she see’s your work, give her your best smile and say “Surprise, I cleaned the house for you!”
Pro Tip: Whatever your do, don’t give her the opportunity for her to ask you to do these things before you start because then it will have no effect on her – and your dream of a day full of football will be dashed.
2. Be Mr. Mom (Thursday- 3 Days Until Sunday)
If you have children, offer to give your wife the day off from the kids. It’s time for you to take over and become Mr. Mom.
Here’s what you want to say to your wife in order for this to be an effective strategy:
Hey Babe, you have been working so hard lately and I think you should get out of the house and go do something with your friends. I’ll stay here and watch the kids…no worries. I just want you to know that I appreciate you and what you do for our whole family.
I usually follow this up with a little hug and a kiss on the forehead. Really backs up the words with some action.
So this step is key to do on Thursday. Why you ask? Well with the wife out with her friends, you just guaranteed yourself a ticket on the couch in front of the TV to watch some Thursday Night Football! BOOM!!!!
3. Date Night (Friday – 2 Days Until Sunday)
With Sunday only a few days away the full court press needs to be applied and the next play is to take the wife out for a night on the town.
In my case, my wife wife loves to go to dinner and then the movies. So during the week when we’re watching TV together, I pay attention to what movies she says she wants to see. Typically it’s some chick flick that you have no interest in, but put it in your back pocket because it’s about to come in handy.
Then when Friday rolls around, I suggest we go see that chick flick she can’t stop talking about. If for some reason she hasn’t mentioned one to you, its pretty easy to see what movies are playing and which ones will be chick flicks.
If it’s your idea to take her to see a movie she wants to see and also out to her favorite restaurant, you just scored major free-time points.
4. A Gift For You (Saturday – 1 Day Until Gameday)
This step is to be done either before or after your favorite college teams game that Saturday.
It’s Football Eve and you are starting to become more excited than ever, so it’s time to dig deep restrain your excitement and finish strong.
Go out and buy your wife a couple of gift cards to her favorite clothing stores that you know she loves to shop at. Your best bet is to choose the mall where you have multiple options to choose from.
Why gift cards to clothing stores you ask? Well it’s simple. Woman love to shop for clothes and woman all know that different stores clothes fit differently even though the say the same size on the tag.
So in order to ensure the clothes fit they have to be at the store to try them on so they don’t have to waste time taking back clothes that don’t fit. This step is to be done towards the end of the day with your suggestion of going tomorrow. (If you do this step to early you she may complete this on Saturday).
5. The 2-Minute Drill (Saturday Night)
After you have given her the gift cards its time to just hang out and spend some quality time with the her or her and the kids. Hang out at home, maybe make dinner, watch whatever she wants to watch and complete the night with a 45 minute massage. I don’t know of any women that would turn that down!
This should be the final thing you need to do to ensure that you get to watch the Thursday Night Opener, Your College Team Saturday and then all the NFL games on Sunday. So sit back, relax, bust out the laptop, iPad and watch as your Fantasy Teams dominate the competition.
I hope you found these tips useful, be sure to try them out yourself and let me know how it works out for you at home in the comments section below.
Disclaimer: Jeremy Sheldon cannot be held responsible for any physical or mental injuries you may recieve from not following these steps properly. Proceed at your own risk, and for the love of god, don’t show this article to my wife!